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How to Find Out If Someone Is Married

Kissing bride and groom hidden behind bride Bouquet

“Grey’s Anatomy” fans remember how exciting it was to watch Meredith and Derek’s blossoming relationship the first season. Things became pretty hot and steamy for McDreamy, then the wife shows up in the season finale. Imagine the horror of being in the middle of a flirtatious moment and ready to kiss. Then suddenly someone shows up and loudly announces she’s the wife. Derek did have a good reason to split from Addison because of her affair with Dr. McSteamy, but at what point should he have told Meredith that he was still legally married? Or at what point should Meredith have questioned whether there was an ex-wife or wife in Derek’s past?

A sudden plot twist often makes for good television. However, in real life, it’s not as entertaining. You would hope the person you’re seeing is honest and not secretly married. But today, you just can’t be sure. So, before you invest time and become too emotionally involved, stop and ask whether the person you’re seeing is married.

young woman in a pearl necklace tries on a wedding veil

How to Ask Someone If They Are Married

You might be afraid to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend if they’re married because you fear their reaction. They might be insulted that you don’t trust them. It’s important to think about how you would feel being asked, so try to be understanding of their feelings.

A good way to approach the “Are you married?” question is to do it early on, like your first date. It’s only natural to ask each other questions about your interests, where you work, and other personal facts during this initial meeting. This is a good time to ask whether your date is married. In fact, it is the first question you should be asking along with:

  • Have you been married previously?
  • Do you have children from a previous relationship?
  • How old are you?
  • What states have you lived in?
  • What are your home and mobile phone numbers?
  • Where do you work?
Man is taking off the wedding ring and hiding it behind back.

Someone who has something to hide, like being married, may not give too much information about their life. If they freely answer your questions and say they aren’t married, chances are they’re being truthful. But what if you start noticing later on in your relationship that things seem to be a little off, like he or she:

  • Disappears for periods of time
  • Is secretive about where they have been
  • Leaves the room to take phone calls
  • Freaks out if you touch their phone or ask to look at it

Social Media Can Be a Tell-All

Today, even Grandma has a social media account. Send a friend request to your new love interest if you’re not already friends. You can learn a lot about a person’s life through their postings and photos on Facebook or Instagram. Just remember, a skimpy Facebook page could also mean you’re blocked from seeing some of their postings. And, if you tag them in photos and never see them on their pages, this could be considered a little suspicious. You don’t want to come off as a stalker, but they could be hiding you from their spouse or family’s view.

Man hiding his laptop from his annoyed angry significant other

No Talk of Family Is a Glaring Red Flag

A good tip-off that your suitor is stepping out on their spouse is that you have never been introduced to their family or friends or they never speak of family. It could be that they are estranged from their family for a good reason. But this is something that should be discussed to clear the air. If you’re still suspicious, you could do a little research by using a name search directory to look up potential relatives.

You Can Find Almost Anything on the Internet

If you still have a nagging suspicion that your mate is married, the internet can be your one-stop shop for information. Once something is on the internet, it is there forever. Do a search of your girlfriend or boyfriend’s name for wedding announcements, wedding registries, or birth announcements. Newspapers keep years and years’ worth of back issues online digitally. If you’re unable to access newspaper archives online, a trip to your local library can help.

Wooden judge gavel on marriage contract, closeup

Marriage Records Are Public Records

Just like birth and death records, marriage records are public information. You need to know:

  • At least one of the pre-marriage names of one the parties
  • An approximate time range of when you think the marriage occurred
  • The town, county, and state where the person was married

The problem with trying to obtain a copy of a marriage certificate is that you have to prove a family relationship or legal reason to access that information. For example, if you’re married, you have the legal right to request a copy of your spouse’s marriage certificate from their previous marriage. You could pay anywhere between a few dollars up to $70 for the search and the certificate.

Hiring a Private Investigator

Finding a reputable private investigator is the first hurdle to climb. The next is paying a costly retainer and hoping they’re able to provide the information you want. You will need to provide the investigator with the same information you would provide for seeking a copy of a marriage record.

Man Sitting Inside Car Photographing With SLR Camera

A Better Way to Find Out If Someone Is Married

If you’re uncomfortable asking your date or mate about their marital history or aren’t satisfied with their answer, CheckThem can help. With tools that allow you to easily search public records, including marriage and divorce records, we are your one-stop shop for all the information you need. You can even search for social media profiles that your mate is hiding from you and any past criminal history. And the best thing is that you can do it all anonymously. Put your worries to rest and turn to CheckThem to have the answers you need in minutes at an affordable price.