Many people lose a lot of valuable time in their lives realizing too late that they are in the wrong relationship. It’s not an easy thing to address, and it usually takes a lot of courage. When so much time and effort have been invested in a relationship, and so many compromises made, it’s typical to cast away relationship doubts and view them as a problem on your end.
Unfortunately, this usually leads to regret and the person wondering how they could have missed the signs. There is, fortunately, a wealth of information at your fingertips to provide you with valuable insight and save you a small fortune in seeking counsel.
If you are generally unhappy, chances are your relationship has at least something to do with it. Because if you were in a healthy relationship, you probably wouldn’t be suffering from some level of constant depression, nor feeling down and hopeless most of the time. Your significant other is supposed to be your pillar of support; they are supposed to provide light in your life. So if this isn’t happening, you need to examine your relationship and evaluate how it’s impacting your life.
Look at how your relationship is affecting other areas of your life. Are you feeling unhappy at work and is your job performance suffering? If so, why? Much of this could be the result of what’s happening in your relationship. What a person immediately writes off as just a spat with the significant other could be a symptom of a relationship that’s gradually falling apart and manifesting its effects through other areas of your life. People who are in healthy relationships are generally happy, and it shows at their work and in other relationships with their friends and family.
Being unhappy in a relationship can affect everyday things that people often rely on to relieve stress and remain stable. This can be evident in blowing off exercise, or smoking, or drinking too much. A person might start exhibiting binge behavior like overeating. A common sign of people when they are depressed in a relationship is when they don’t feel like themselves anymore. This is a maladjustment that comes in different forms. One is a little more obvious and easier to identify, in which a person finds themselves adjusting their styles, tastes, and even opinions to make their partner happy. Not to say this is bad, but if you feel like you’re doing it to make your partner happy, it could be a problem. Relationships are all about compromises and couples need to share common interests.
A person can also feel controlled by their partner, which leads to a feeling of loss of identity. The partner might be quick to shoot down the other person’s opinion, never value the other person’s input, and make the other person feel like whatever they say doesn’t matter. If your partner makes you feel inadequate and doesn’t support you in any way, you are in an unhealthy relationship. If your partner tells you your goals are stupid, then you need to run, not walk, to the closest exit.
Dominating partners in a relationship can also make you unhappy by isolating you from your friends and family. An example would be when they force you to make a choice between you and them. The victim in this situation is forced to spend all of their time with the other person, which is never healthy, and often this person becomes reliant on their partner for acceptance, love, and money.
Constant Fights and Arguments
You’re fighting more than talking, and you never seem to agree on anything. Unless the sex is fantastic, and that’s all you care about, you are definitely in a toxic relationship. And you need to keep in mind that even great sex will expire, as far as working as a glue to keep a relationship going. If you can’t agree on anything, you need to wonder why you’re together in the first place. Disagreements are expected, and debate is healthy and even helps build a relationship. But when fighting is commonplace, you both could be heading down a very perilous road emotionally, and maybe even physically. Relationships are built on compromising and listening, not shouting and refusing to see the other person’s perspective.
Who Are They Texting?
Many experts will tell you the foundation for an enduring and healthy relationship is built on trust. The lack of it will only magnify challenges in your relationship as it moves further along. A partner that is unusually jealous, or regularly exhibits behavior that puts their honesty in question, is going to be problematic in building a healthy relationship. It’s really hard to be in a relationship with someone who gets jealous easily. This happens in the form of them getting angry or moody if you’re talking to or texting someone the other person feels threatened by. An obvious red flag is if your partner is constantly questioning you on where you’ve been, or whom you’ve been talking to, regularly looking through your phone, or even worse, accusing you of cheating on them.
On the flip side, you need to protect yourself and make sure your partner is trustworthy by keeping an eye out for any shady behavior. Does the other person exhibit strange behavior on the phone or computer? Do you often see them putting their phone away, or trying to quickly change a topic when doing so? Those are signs that might indicate a pattern of lying. You might observe your partner leaving you out of a lot of activities, or insisting on going out with their friends without you. Do you find that they are leaving out details of things, or do you get a sense there is something they’re not telling you? Well, you need to get to the bottom of it. Because if you don’t address it at the start, it’s only going to get worse.
Anyone who’s experienced it can tell you it’s hard to be in a relationship with someone who reliably exhibits erratic behavior. Of course, there are situations involving someone who might be suffering from a mental condition of some sort, but there are also patterns of behavior that are results of maladjustment, and characteristics of a person you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with. This is clearly evident when you are the one they blame for their behavior. You know your relationship is getting toxic when the person you are involved with can’t take responsibility for their actions. They might blame you, other people, or past experiences. Examples might be blaming their behavior on their parents’ divorce, a cheating ex, or mental health issues. In any case, it’s not healthy for you to be the brunt of the abuse. The other person might drink excessively and/or abuse drugs as an excuse. That never leads to anything good, and it’s an appropriate time for you to get out unless they are willing to seek help.
Excuses to Not Hang Out
While some unhealthy relationships are the result of a partner stripping away the other person’s identity, there are also instances that are just the opposite—the partner who is never there. Fortunately, this problem often resolves itself. It should be self-explanatory. Why would you ever want to be in a relationship with someone who has no time for you, or isn’t even showing any effort to do so? In more unfortunate situations, this might happen further along in the relationship, and the other person is gradually coming up with more reasons why they’re not available to spend time with you. A person that appears to be pulling away from a relationship might be wanting to spend more time with their friends. Their “me” time might be increasing exponentially. In a red flag scenario, they’re suddenly frequently going out of town on a lot of “business trips.” This often means there might be someone else involved. It always means you need an explanation, or it’s time to part ways.
If your partner doesn’t want to talk about problems in your relationship, there’s very little chance it’s going to get any better. It’s basically a cop-out, and they’re not being honest with you, or themselves. Problems that aren’t addressed are doomed to get worse. In addition to trust, communication is probably the most important aspect of avoiding the pitfalls leading to an unhealthy relationship.